Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I really do love my husband!

So I've been informed that a few of my previous posts have been "hard" on my husband and kids. I would never mean to convey anything that suggests anything other than the fact that I love my family more than anything else in the world. In fact I am well aware that I have an amazing spouse. My sweet husband works tirelessly at providing the means for me to stay home with our beautiful children. He is actually a rather evolved male. He doesn't refer to the money he makes as his, or ever criticize me for spending it on necessities for our girls. When it comes to the housework that I do around the house, he never says anything when I fall behind or get on my case when the house is a disgusting mess. When I fall behind on the laundry instead of gently reminding me it needs to be done, he simply does a load. He's not quite at that place yet with the dishes, but you can't have everything eh?

Yes in many respects my husband is one if not the best of his gender. With our two girls I have opted to breastfeed and instead of insisting I get up in the middle of the night to get the baby when she needed or needs to be fed, he would voluntarily get up and bring her to me. Even in the mornings when I have an incredibly hard time getting up he often feeds our oldest and turns on PBS for her until I feel ready to get up and face the day. He changes diapers without complaint, often feeds the baby solids, and even handles disciplining our oldest when we are visiting parents or at church. Also, because I have been busy at church lately he takes the baby with him to class, instead of making me juggle her along with everything else I am doing.

He prays with me in the evening and reads scriptures to our children on Monday nights. I am never ever afraid to talk with him about any subject. He doesn't demand anything from me ever. In fact he is grateful for what I do and often asks what he can do to make my life easier. When I implemented a budget not only did he stick to it, but when the year changed he took his turn managing it while I was very pregnant and then after I had the baby. He supported me getting my degree even though it made it harder for him to get his.

He never says anything when I go through weight gain and loss during and after pregnancies. In fact no matter what I weight he always treats me the same, like he loves the way I look. He doesn't get all excited when I start exercising, like he is happy I'm finally going to be skinny again, instead he is happy that I take care of myself so that I can be around for a long time. He never looks or says anything about other women, in fact he goes out of his way to make me feel simultaneously like the only and the most beautiful woman in the room.

He puts up with my many... many hobbies, and never says anything about them except that I am so talented. I know I am sounding crazy or like I am exaggerating or something, but the truth is... my husband is one of a kind. It gets to a point that if I think too much about it, I am convinced that he is way too good for me. So sometimes yes I focus on the few tiny flaws he has, not because I don't love him, but because I love him so much. I want to make sure he is human and flawed, because I worry that he is so perfect... he could get taken away from me. Sorry this is coming out very sappy, but I did want the world to know what I truly think about my sweet amazing spouse, that he is the best person I know and the kind of person that makes me want to be better. I really do love him and I try and make his life as wonderful as it can be. Everything I do gets tied back to trying to make our home a heaven for him. I love my children, but I love my husband more. And I love my children more than life itself.

So I just want everyone out there reading this who has someone they feel this way about to tell them (privately, or publicly), that they're the best thing in their life. They need to hear it and everyone of us who is so incredibly lucky to have found someone to love, need to remind ourselves why we love that person. Marriages and relationships are hard. Families don't just stay together, they are glued together by people working on it every moment of every day. If the effort isn't there it doesn't take much to tear two people apart that truly do love each other. Remind yourself, and remind them that the greatest present you will get this year is having somebody to love.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's NOT babysitting!!!

OK, this has been bothering me for some time. There has been a few times as of late where my husband has needed to watch our two girls for some reason or other. He has had the devil of a time and is in a extremely rotten mood when I return home. Technically he hasn't used the term "babysitting" for these outings of mine but refers to it as tending. Either term is offensive and should be avoided by all husbands at all costs.

When someone takes part in making a child they do not get to call watching their own children "babysitting, tending"... or anything conveying the sentiment that they are watching someone else's children. The only two people on the planet that don't babysit your children are yourself and your spouse. I understand in blended families you run into the problem that both of you may have not participated in the making of said children. But the rule still stands. If you are a loving spouse who has promised to take care of that person, the children are an unwritten addendum.

So for everyone out there who has had the term "babysitting" thrown at them by their spouse or the other consenting party of the conception, take a stand! No longer suffer under the delusion that you are alone in the parenting of your children. It takes two people to make a baby, doesn't it follow that it takes two people to raise them. I know I am making a lot of out semantics, but sometimes making a slight change in the way you say something does completely change the meaning. This is one of those cases and should be treated as such. To my own husband I do want to say that he is trying, and I am grateful. He knows that he needs to change his attitude towards watching his own children. I just wanted to let all you semantically oppressed parents out there know there is hope for a fair tomorrow :-)

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Holidays are a confusing time

So with black friday over and done and Christmas looming comercialism is staring me in the face daring me to a game of chicken. On the one hand I think that getting presents for my daughters is a good thing. In the days when I was growing up it was ok to let your children roam the neighborhood going from house to house looking for a playmate, but today things are different. They need to play closer to home and we need to keep close tabs on them to keep them safe. This new model of parenting presents a real conundrum, how many toys does a child need?

While I was growing up I had a few toys that I shared with all six of my brothers and sisters. Mostly what I played with was boxes to make houses or cars for the toys. Or I would go outside and build things with sticks and mud and random things from nature. It helped that outside my front door was the wonderous world of the Canadian rockies in breathtaking British Columbia. My problem, and I'm sure many mothers face the same one, is that I want my child to have a wonderland to play in at home. Basically still a child myself I get about as excited as my daughter when we visit the toy aisle. It takes all the restraint I have, and the knowlege of my meager bank balance, to keep me in check when we visit the store. But the problem gets ever so much worse around Christmas. This is the time to get presents to keep her busy during the next year. At least on her birthday I can get her toys to play with outside. At Christmas the weather is not very conducive to outdoor play, at least not for long periods of time. Also I figure that the more toys she has to play with the less time she spends watching television (which as a goal I only want her to watch 1 hour per day).

So here is where I stand today, desperate not to spoil my little girl, and yet desperate to give her the tools to entertain herself and enrich her mind with imaginative play. What to do...What to do? So far I think I've stopped short of spoiling her but the problem is I have to stop and with 8 days left to Christmas, can I make it?