OK, this has been bothering me for some time. There has been a few times as of late where my husband has needed to watch our two girls for some reason or other. He has had the devil of a time and is in a extremely rotten mood when I return home. Technically he hasn't used the term "babysitting" for these outings of mine but refers to it as tending. Either term is offensive and should be avoided by all husbands at all costs.
When someone takes part in making a child they do not get to call watching their own children "babysitting, tending"... or anything conveying the sentiment that they are watching someone else's children. The only two people on the planet that don't babysit your children are yourself and your spouse. I understand in blended families you run into the problem that both of you may have not participated in the making of said children. But the rule still stands. If you are a loving spouse who has promised to take care of that person, the children are an unwritten addendum.
So for everyone out there who has had the term "babysitting" thrown at them by their spouse or the other consenting party of the conception, take a stand! No longer suffer under the delusion that you are alone in the parenting of your children. It takes two people to make a baby, doesn't it follow that it takes two people to raise them. I know I am making a lot of out semantics, but sometimes making a slight change in the way you say something does completely change the meaning. This is one of those cases and should be treated as such. To my own husband I do want to say that he is trying, and I am grateful. He knows that he needs to change his attitude towards watching his own children. I just wanted to let all you semantically oppressed parents out there know there is hope for a fair tomorrow :-)
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8 years ago
8 comments:
AMEN to that! I believe that to be the truth---
Infact we had a lesson from our stake pres. a few months ago in Releif socity. IT WAS AMAZING.
he said this "Dad's NEED to change diapers, be involved and NOT BABYSIT"...lol He said the very same things you mentioned in your blog.....its WRONG for those hubbies to think that its WE {mothers} responsbility and JOB to take care, feed, bath, change, watch----its BOTH of us! Its not you or I---its US together!
Im with you on that---I got your back...lol
You're totally right! And other people do it too... on the very rare occasions I get out on my own I'm always asked "Is your husband babysitting?"... er no, he's looking after OUR children. I don't get to say I babysit them every day when he's at work! Glad someone else feels the same way :)
AMEN SISTER!!! gUYS REALLY NEED TO CHOOSE THIER WORDS WISELY!
Good morning class! Please take your seats. Let us begin!
ba⋅by-sit /ˈbeɪbiˌsɪt/
verb, -sat, -sit⋅ting.
–verb (used without object)
1. to take charge of a child while the parents are temporarily away.
–verb (used with object)
2. to baby-sit for (a child).
3. to take watchful responsibility for; tend.
Yes it is true. Husbands can and do lack the capacity to make themselves perfectly clear whilst in the midst of using the terms "babysit" or "tending". For this purpose we shall discuss the "semantics" and/or definitions of the former.
Though definition number three may in fact be implied, it can be inferred that defintion number one is the one being implemented. This miscommunication is common in marriages, resulting in bitterness, as well as a need to express this said sentiment. Furthermore, it is a noble attempt to see all possible definitions of a term, rather than jumping to the one most offensive. This trait, known to mankind as "understanding", is a necessary tool for marriage. This is not acquired easily, but most not be overlooked. Men and woman alike must utilize this tool to avoid fault finding.
Fault finding is a negative behavior and disease that consumes all those that participate. As a result to its' involvement, feelings of frustration and anger can develop easily. As this pattern persists the victim will often look for ways to cope. A common outlet for relief can be a public expression or display of distasteful feelings. Modernly known as "blogging". This attempt gives temporary relief and does not cure the behavior nor the disease.
In conclusion, we have discussed the "semantics", and have found that "understanding" is the most beneficial tool to be used for any marriage, so as to avoid fault finding, and thus avoiding the drastic fate of those that blog therein. Amen.
Brought to you by Dan Horton's younger brother Dr J. Curtis Horton
(Prophesor of Semantics/Marriage and Family counselor)
Dr Horton was born in August 1984. He recently joined the blogging world. While in the process he has begun a career in finding fault in those that find fault. He enjoys long walks on the beach and cold showers. For marriage problems or concerns please call him on the following extension. 801-555-5555 Dr. Horton can be reached 24/7.
Tana, I have not had time to read any blogs. Finished finals on Thursday and took some time to read your blogs and family blogs. I loved what you have written. You have a talent for writing. I did feel a little sorry for Daniel, but also glad for him that he has such a talented wife. -Cari
I had no idea I was being hard on Dan. I guess I should try not to be such a feminist. I don't want to make people feel sorry for my husband. I'm not that hard of a person to live with. I'll have to post some more positive posts so that people can see that I love my husband and really try and make life easier and more pleasant for him.
For all the men out there beside Dr. Josh Horton that might have read this I think that we need to understand one important thing. From the beginning, most men don't get a lot of experience taking care of children. The adjustment that most fathers have to make from working to diaper changing is somewhat difficult. Now I don't want you all to think that I now want you to have more compassion for us fathers or that everything is so terrible for us but rather to I want to better understand our situation.
Let us compare and contrast. Women, from when they are born are blessed with a "mothers intuition". In watching Hannah grow I see this in the way that she takes care of her baby dolls. For some reason she has a knack for it. She knows how to hold them and feed them. However, for boys the case is much different. Growing up, most boys do not spend the time playing with dolls as little girls do. If they are playing with dolls then they are fighting with guns or fighting bad guys. A girls "mothers intuition" is further strengthened as they continue to grow. Tana has told me that from when she was at least 13 years old if not sooner she was babysitting other kids. Most babysitters out there are girls. A boy baby sitter is seldom seen. Probably because they chase you with knifes (family joke). I hardly remember doing any babysitting while I was between the ages of 13 to 18. If I did do babysitting it was for my own brothers and sisters.
Woman are given earthly and spiritual preparation to be a mothers. Men are given spiritual preparation to be fathers but they sometimes lack the earthly preparation. When a husband and wife have kids they have to make a big adjustment. For me making the adjustment to feeding kids, changing diapers and being the disciplinary figure was quite hard at first. I think that I am still adjusting despite what Tana might have said. It seemed so easy to me to leave it up to Tana because I thought she could handle it so much better. This is not the right attitude. We has husbands can't just assume that our wives will handle it because that is what they do most of the day. When we get home from work we need to take off our work clothes and put on our daddy clothes. There are still times when making that adjustment is hard and I would rather stay at work. By removing the term "babysitting" when being parents to our children we are just moving one step closer to being a better father. I don't think that Tana was hard on me. She goes over and beyond what a average mother would do. I should try my best to go over and beyond as a father. It's nice having someone that you are just trying to keep up with and that is pushing you to be better.
In the end I think that Men are blessed with a "fathers intuition". However, for most fathers this intuition did not come with the same skills and know-how that the mothers receive. Fathers should try their best to fulfill their responsibilities in the limited time they have with their kids. One thing I don't like it when my wife is "babysitting" me and telling me what I should be doing. I am lucky to be a father as all fathers should feel. I can't wait to see what more surprises and adjustments await me as I travel with my wife through the path of parenthood.
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