Thanks!!!

I wanted to say thank you to all those who commented so sweetly on my last blog. I will try and thank you all on your blogs, but I haven't had time yet to do that. I was having a very hard time and it was so nice to know that I'm not the only one. I think women talk about how they are feeling more than men because we want to know that we aren't alone in feeling sad or frustrated.

So many people out there put on a brave and happy facade when they face the world. I know that I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who has problems. And I wonder why everyone else seems to be functioning so well while I am struggling so much. I think that from some of the responses I got to the last post I can generally assume that most women in the world go through similar struggles and commiserating about them brings sanity and a sense of relief.

I don't think anyone on this earth is perfect or has everything perfectly together, why should we hold ourselves up to that standard feeling like worthless women because we mess up or fall down a few times. I was talking with my mother and she was talking about how she struggled when she was a young mother and how she did so much wrong. I of course assuaged her fears and let her know she did a great job and I am grateful for what she did for me. She came back saying that there were a lot of times when she knows that she messed up and didn't do it right.

The truth is that not one of us who is a mother or even a person for that fact can unequivocally state that we never do anything wrong. The best and most together mother I have ever met messed up real big once and I know she was scared and embarrassed that it happened, but the kids were ok and the truth is that it gave me hope. If someone so incredibly without fault and with amazing kids can make a mistake then it's ok for me to make mistakes sometimes.

We all know that the most we can expect from our children is that they are constantly trying their best. Why shouldn't that be our rule too? If we are trying our best and doing the very most we can...well that should be enough.

I just think we should all be honest about our struggles. If we let someone know that it isn't all peaches and roses and that life sucks sometimes it can help people to feel less alone and scared. I was always told growing up that marriage wasn't picture perfect and that it is dang hard even if you are doing it right. That made me realistic about what I expected from marriage and the truth is that it has made me happier with my husband and my marriage. It is the same with children, if you tell people that children are always the brightest part of life, then you are setting someone up for failure. Yes children are wonderful and they do make life brighter and happier and inspire love that you didn't know existed...but they are hard. And raising them right means that they are going to tell you that they hate you and they are not going act like they love you all the time.

Let people know that your life isn't perfect. I know mine isn't. I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anybody else's. The same goes for my husband and my children. The truth is though that some days I can't stand my children, can't look at my husband and sometimes I have to leave the house for a girls night out or I feel like running away.

Sometimes we are all we have, women are the only ones who will ever understand women. We need to be there for each other and I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all the women who were there for me this last week. I needed to know that you are there and that you understand.

Anyone with me?

So after a couple of frustrating weekends I've decided that I need to post something about how I'm feeling so that I don't go mad.

I am not the best person in the world, I'll freely admit that but I have had an especially hard time controlling my emotions lately. I can't stop fighting with my sweet husband and seem to find a reason to cry every time I leave the house.

I know that there is a lot personally that I need to work on to become the kind of person I would like to be. For instance I need to not be hurt when my family doesn't find me as interesting as my sister in law. That is petty and downright conceited, but it is hard to get over when I am struggling with feeling relevant in the first place. Everything is not about me and I get that (in my head); but for some reason I feel like a neglected child whenever I feel people aren't listening to me or start talking over top of me while I am speaking.

Verbiage is my canvas of choice and I know that I enjoy talking more than the average person. While most people can get exhausted by an hour of conversation, I by contrast get invigorated. It pumps me up and helps me evaluate all of the hours of internal dialogue that flow through me while I am cleaning, running on the treadmill or just blindly nodding and smiling at my three year old while she talks.

I think it is an innate female propensity to verbally dissect things and figure them out one at a time. Some women don't enjoy it at all but I think it's a more feminine quality than masculine. Whatever the reason it hurts me more than most people when I feel like nobody is finding what I say relevant or interesting. It's compounded by the fact that I am a stay at home mom and have a hard time feeling relevant by my own standards.

The other issue that has been plaguing me is that I blame my husband for things that he really has no control over. Like when I have a bad day and he doesn't notice that I'm miserable and doesn't say anything to me. I get irate because he should know that I need someone to talk to and help me out of my funk. But lets face it, how can he know he should do something if I don't tell him. I know it's my problem but for some reason I just can't rewire myself to tell him that I need him to uplift me.

I realize that I am rambling and not making a great deal of sense, but the fact is I have spent the majority of the last weekend crying over the two issues above. I know that they are my problem and that I need to learn to be a better person who doesn't compare how much my family prefers my sister in law to me. I also know that I need to stop being passive aggressive to my husband, especially when he has no idea what is going on.

Don't you guys sometimes hate being women?

So much estrogen, so little sense and a whole lotta tears and the end result: a mildly depressed woman all over something so little a man wouldn't have noticed it if you pointed it out for him.

Two fun? projects...

Over the past week I did two projects. One that was a lot of fun and turned out well and the other that was well...if I was a swearing woman. The first project was a cake tasting for a wedding cake I am making in a few months. I made a marshmallow fondant and it turned out beautiful and if you want to see pictures click here to see them on my cake blog. As you can tell I am not a photographer by any means but below is a picture of a magnet board I've been working on (that was the second project).



This particular project seemed so easy at first. I decided I wanted to make one because I haven't found any place that sells them and the one I've seen for sale wasn't what I wanted or for a price I could afford. So I decided to make one. I scoured the internet for instructions and found many. I looked over them and decided that I could totally do it. So I roped my sister in law into making one too and we would build them together.


It all seemed to be going so well untill it came time to paint the frames. We really should have used spray paint but for some reason we chose another kind of paint. Well it was a cold day and we were having trouble with the paint. It wasn't drying. We used a blow drying to no avail and were flabbergasted that it wasn't drying. Well after looking more closely at the can we saw that it said that the paint wouldn't dry in very low temperatures. We had been painting in my garage (because we didn't want lots of fumes in the house). So after discovering our mistake we quickly brought the whole project inside and started praying that the paint would still dry.


Well it dryed but almost took two days! So we were very frustrated with the project already. Then it came time to glue the frame to the metal.


The internet instructions said to use liquid nails but they neglected to specify which type of liquid nails (yes I discovered that there are many different strengths and kinds). So after trying to glue the frame with (the wrong kind of) liquid nails my sister in law and I were at the end of our rope. It would not stick and finally we decided we had the wrong glue. So we researched what glue would work best and went to get it. Thankfully my sister in laws project started to work with the new glue, but because I had used the other glue on my project (even though I had tried to scrape the old glue off) mine would not stick. So I spent another two days rubbing and sanding trying to get the wrong glue off my project. Most of it I had to get off with my nails. At the end of this long process my hands were incredibly dry and almost bleeding from all of the washing and scraping of paint and glue. Even though my sister in laws project was finished and looked fantastic I almost felt no desire to finish my own magnet board.


Last night I finally just got fed up with looking at it and finished it. It looks pretty good I think, but I will never be able to look at it without getting a little angry.

No offense dog lovers...

So I am tired...tired of being painted a villain simply because I am not fan of dogs. I am well aware that there are millions of people out there that LOVE their dogs. That is totally fine with me, I do think that dog people are extremely loving people who possess the ability to enjoy those slobbery creatures that are loud and messy. I am also aware that children are much like dogs (they are loud and messy and you do have to clean up their poo for a few years). The problem I have with dog people is that they are shocked and dismayed when anyone is a little threatened by their beloved dog.

The other night was Superbowl Sunday, an American pastime, icon whatever you want to call it. I am not a huge fan of football but I totally support my husbands wishes to watch that game (after all it only happens once a year). In my show of support I attended a party at my husband's brothers home. It was a fun night filled with food, fun and lots of laughs. We went to leave their house quite late. As we exited the house with two tired children in tow we saw two large dogs bounding towards us barking and snarling at us. My oldest has a phobia of dogs and she jumped into Daddy's arms screaming, while I was holding our nine month old and fumbling trying to open the front door while screaming myself. I got back into the house with my heart racing and found to my frustration a number of amused people.

The owner of the dogs lived next door and was a little flabbergasted that we might have a problem with two dogs running towards us as if in attack mode. Others found it funny that I was so scared. Now I'm not saying that anyone hurt my feelings (besides the dogs), because lets face it, the sight of a grown woman ready to fall into tears over two boxers is a little funny. Especially when the people familiar with the home and the dogs know that they are harmless and more bark than bite.

The frustration for me dawned when I collected myself and found myself terribly embarrassed by acting and feeling like a little girl again. My whole life I have been treated bemusedly because of my disaffection for canines. When I was little my aunts and uncles would laugh at me running into the house to avoid getting mauled by the many dogs running off leashes and out of fences in rural Canada. Even in the movies I watched growing up anyone who didn't like dogs was painted as the evil character. Whether it's Disney movies or romantic comedies. Women especially who freaked when the dogs bounded in were the characters who were unmasked as the seedy, city people who don't love anyone, let alone dogs. It is often the acid test in a romantic comedy or television show to see if the woman is really as good as she seems.

I am just so tired of feeling like a bad person because (I feel like I have to say it quietly because it feels evil even to think it) I just don't like dogs. I might be able to trace it back to an experience walking through a cow pasture one day when I was about 6 and two fighting dogs ran up to me and were basically fighting between my legs. My sweet three year old started disliking dogs around the time she was 18 months old and after entering a friends house a small dog jumped on her back and started assaulting her before I could snatch her up and save her.

Please don't hate me dog lovers. I love people and would never want to hurt any (person's) feelings. Just don't hate me because I am not an animal lover. And I want to stand up and say that it doesn't make me a bad person.