Anyone with me?

So after a couple of frustrating weekends I've decided that I need to post something about how I'm feeling so that I don't go mad.

I am not the best person in the world, I'll freely admit that but I have had an especially hard time controlling my emotions lately. I can't stop fighting with my sweet husband and seem to find a reason to cry every time I leave the house.

I know that there is a lot personally that I need to work on to become the kind of person I would like to be. For instance I need to not be hurt when my family doesn't find me as interesting as my sister in law. That is petty and downright conceited, but it is hard to get over when I am struggling with feeling relevant in the first place. Everything is not about me and I get that (in my head); but for some reason I feel like a neglected child whenever I feel people aren't listening to me or start talking over top of me while I am speaking.

Verbiage is my canvas of choice and I know that I enjoy talking more than the average person. While most people can get exhausted by an hour of conversation, I by contrast get invigorated. It pumps me up and helps me evaluate all of the hours of internal dialogue that flow through me while I am cleaning, running on the treadmill or just blindly nodding and smiling at my three year old while she talks.

I think it is an innate female propensity to verbally dissect things and figure them out one at a time. Some women don't enjoy it at all but I think it's a more feminine quality than masculine. Whatever the reason it hurts me more than most people when I feel like nobody is finding what I say relevant or interesting. It's compounded by the fact that I am a stay at home mom and have a hard time feeling relevant by my own standards.

The other issue that has been plaguing me is that I blame my husband for things that he really has no control over. Like when I have a bad day and he doesn't notice that I'm miserable and doesn't say anything to me. I get irate because he should know that I need someone to talk to and help me out of my funk. But lets face it, how can he know he should do something if I don't tell him. I know it's my problem but for some reason I just can't rewire myself to tell him that I need him to uplift me.

I realize that I am rambling and not making a great deal of sense, but the fact is I have spent the majority of the last weekend crying over the two issues above. I know that they are my problem and that I need to learn to be a better person who doesn't compare how much my family prefers my sister in law to me. I also know that I need to stop being passive aggressive to my husband, especially when he has no idea what is going on.

Don't you guys sometimes hate being women?

So much estrogen, so little sense and a whole lotta tears and the end result: a mildly depressed woman all over something so little a man wouldn't have noticed it if you pointed it out for him.