Does anyone out there ever get the feeling that they make life harder for their children? My eldest daughter started Kindergarten. I really get that this is a hard transition for her, but I can't help but feel that I am just making it harder by trying to help.
Here's the deal. My daughter is a seemingly well adjusted 5 yr old who loves to go to school and adores her teacher, her friends, learning in general and especially recess. She seems to get the concepts being taught and even get along with her peers fairly well. But whenever she doesn't win at anything she totally has a meltdown.
They play a scrap game where they have to find the "magic scrap" and whenever she doesn't find it she cries. The teacher also gives out "yes" tickets to students who are being quiet right before the bell. Whenever she doesn't get one she cries.
Today she won a coloring contest and got to go the office for a special prize, and even though she got singled out she still had a hard time and had attitude because she didn't get a "yes" ticket. My husband thinks it's because she doesn't understand how special it was to win a contest based on effort, and he may be right....but still....really. I just have the hardest time not exploding all over her and saying "what is wrong with you". Of course I refrain and try and talk to her calmly about how important it is that everyone in her class gets a chance to win things like the scrap game and the "yes" tickets.
The other problem she seems to be having is that I get a little misty eyed when sending her with carpool. I ask her for a hug and she gets sad too. A few times she has cried all the way to school because she says she misses me. I know that I am causing her to have a hard time going to school because I am sad to see her go, but I'm not sure what I can do to stop the emotions from rising when I see my little girl leaving me and growing up.
I know all her problems are my fault from not teaching her correctly or giving her enough natural consequences or being to overly anxious myself over everything in general. I feel as if everything I do to make things better just makes it worse and proves to her that I am a crazy neurotic mother who one day she will roll her eyes at and feign listening to.
I just wanted her to love me forever in her little girl way and tell me everything that is of consequence to her and yet still respect me as an authority figure. Is that really too much to ask?
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2 comments:
Oh Tana.. this is a interesting adventure weve just started on isnt it... You didnt do anything wrong as a parent. You are one of the best from what I see on the outside. Its a new thing for these cute little 5 year olds and itll all work out. Daxton has a little girl in his class who has cried everyday since day one as she walks into the school... theyll get it. Sounds like she is doing great though making friends is hard and it sounds like shes doing very well!!
At least you know she is crying for ok reasons. I cried everyday of the 2nd grade. My teacher was a monster and soooo mean. It was horrible. I don't know how my mom survived sending me there everyday. I could never do it. I totally remember crying the whole time they said the pledge. It's amazing that I wasn't beat up everyday. Her issues are hers so at least you know she is in a safe environment with a kind teacher and friends that love her.
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