I hate looking needy!!

This time of the year is the worst to appear like you don't have things together. For example I about died this morning when I saw a pink note on my front door from Clearfield city. Dan was two flippin days late paying that bill and already they posted a big "hey these people don't have enough money" sign on my front door for all my neighbors to see.

The truth is if it were just the one note I'd probably be able to get over it, but earlier in November I went to hear my daughter sing at her school only to be told (at the door I might add) that it was three dollars a person to get in. It wasn't that we didn't have the money, I just hadn't been told they would charge me to hear my kindergartener sing. Well a number of neighbors also send their kids to this school and of course a family saw us fumbling around not having any money and I hate that piteous look that you never know if it means they think you just are too poor to pay.

Dan and I have more than enough resources at the moment. Not that we're swimming in money but besides our house and school we have no debt and we make enough to pay our bills and attend our childs Christmas concert. Yes we are frugal and I try not to spend more than neccessary on....well everything. But that is why we are doing ok. I just hate the thought that my friends and neighbors may think we are poor...especially around Christmas time.

I guess I'm sensitive about it because I have been there. Growing up we were poor, at least by the monetary standards set up by the state. My mom was horrified when Christmas presents were dropped off at our house one particularly tight year. I didn't quite understand why because I knew we didn't have enough money to buy any presents that year. Now I get it! The thought that someone thinks you don't have enough or can't take care of your family is humiliating.

Most people should know that just because Dan and I are cheap doesn't make us poor. Yes I have been complaining about the thought of buying a van and how much we don't have the money for this next step in our life. But when I say that I'm only saying we don't have enough money up front to buy a van, so that we don't have a car payment. We just have to put a little less in savings and we could afford a car payment, but we are just too cheap to face that reality right now.

The only reason Dan was late paying a bill in the first place is because he is taking over a full course load this semester (his last). And I have been struggling to keep things together myself. Being six months pregnant and trying to keep the house running by myself and trying to adjust to a half day kindergartener has been a real challenge. Add to that my sister having a baby, numerous other extended family emergencies and needs I've barely kept my head above water. Then you add responsibilities for church and things have gotten out of control.

And now right when Dan's school is pretty much done and he would be free to start really helping me....he gets the news that he is going on a trip next week.

I needed to complain about life, just for a second. But truly we are soooo blessed. We have everything monetary that we need, and then Dan and I have each other and are blissfully happy in our marriage. Our children are healthy, happy and wonderful all around. And Dan is employed...how wonderful is that. The fact that he has a steady job and it can pay the bills and pay for a nice Christmas is almost more than I could ask for.

So I guess I'm saying don't worry about me....it may have been a stressful, crazy, insanely busy and tear jerking month, but November is over and now we are hopefully going to start recovering from it.