Rain, rain go away!

My husband clearly remembers an experience when we were living in Florida that he related to me the other night.  He remembers being at Animal Kingdom and there being a sudden incredibly wet rainstorm and us ducking into an artificial cave and sitting watching this seemingly jungle around us get drenched by the downpour.  We only had our oldest child at the time and she was very little probably 18months old or something.

We waited in that little cave and watched the rain, we had all the time in the world so we weren't stressed or in any hurry to get anywhere and watched as probably hundreds of people ran out of the park to get out of the rain.  Eventually after at least twenty or thirty minutes the rain stopped.

We ventured out of the cave and walked around the park, it was almost quiet.  Many people had went back to their hotels or homes and the park was as desolate as I had ever seen it.  We went on the safari ride and not only did we not have to wait at all for it but all the animals were out and enjoying the cool feeling left behind by the rain.

We saw rainbows and the whole experience was so pleasant that it is no wonder why my husband thinks back on that day as his favorite memory of our Florida Disney experiences.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in that cave, waiting for the rain to stop, sure that it will and that if I can only outwait it then it will be so much better than before.  But the rain keeps coming and unlike our Disney experience I am in a hurry and feel like I want to run out of the park instead of waiting patiently for it to end.

Today two of my siblings are in the hospital.  For two very different reasons but I am devastated.  I'm tired of thinking about it and then I feel guilty for being tired of thinking about it.  I wish it would stop raining.

I'm 27 years old, yesterday.  I haven't been alive that long.  No matter how old I may feel or how mature I fancy myself I'm just a baby in the game of life.  When I think that it will only get harder and more complex I just want to run.....or hide.

"If only life was easier" is the phrase I keep hearing myself say over and over again in my mind and even to others.  I don't want to struggle all the time and I really would like a moment of peace and security.  I hear my voice sounding the tiny violins and yet ...I don't care if I sound like a whiner or a wimp...because the truth is that I am.

Do you know the saying that all clouds have silver linings; it is one of those sayings that really doesn't always make sense.  It's great to spout at others when they are struggling but in some of lifes bizzaar circumstances it just doesn't apply.

I am grateful, incredibly so even, for all of the friends and angels that are around me and buoy me up, Gratitude for my health and husband and children overwhelms me at times and brings me to tears.  I focus on it as much as I can.

But today is a grey day and I cannot shake the tired, achy feeling of sorrow over things which I have no control.