First impressions...

This month I will have lived 26 years. Not a lot I know but I thought I would share what I have found to be the most important lesson I have learned in my years on this earth. In the 26yrs I've been alive I have met a slew of people. Old, young, educated, uneducated, smart and less than intelligent (which I might add does not correlate with education as much as people would like to think). Anyway I have over the years formed a lot of first impressions.

One of the most interesting things about first impressions (at least mine that is) is that they are almost always wrong. In my experience first impressions are very shallow and one dimensional. Pegging Any person as only one or two things is most likely incorrect. The only exception to this is when I have thought certain people are kindhearted, loving people. This kind of first impression is not one dimensional and most often kind people really are simply kind people.

Whenever I have pegged somebody as shallow or extremely vain, if I get to know them I find that they are incredibly insecure and often are some of the most beaten inside and have almost the largest capacity for empathy out of anybody else in the world.

If I find a person cold or impersonal often once you get to know them they are the most sweet, loyal and kind people on the planet.

The biggest surprise to me has always been in the area of intelligence. People who can be viewed as dull or uneducated most often care very little if other people find them smart. This in and of itself is an amazingly humble person. Also once you take the time to really get to know (and sometimes spend years doing this) you will find that they have in incredible wealth of knowledge and their judgement is next to impecable. And yet they are still the most down to earth and real people that you will meet.

On my end of first impressions I have found that I tend to be incredibly judgemental. I worry about what other people think so much because I tend to judge others.

Lately I have tried to care less what others think of me, not in a way that lets me be rude to people; but in the long run if somebody thinks I'm a bad parent because my children act out in public, does it really matter? Because I am a good parent and I am doing my very best. It also matters very little if people think I'm intelligent, because really I'm not as smart as I think I am anyway. And if people think I'm stupid what does it matter. As long as I am always progressing I can feel good about what I am doing. I'm not always reading as much as I should or even reading classical literature as much as I should, but I read what I can. I try and continue my learning but at this point in my life it is more about furthering the knowledge of my children and if that stunts my knowledge base that's ok because my knowledge base about children is growing.

This tactic of caring less seems to only work though when I am thinking the best of everyone around me. Which goes along with ignoring my instinctual first impressions and always assuming that people are complex people with wonderful characteristics that could possibly enrich my life.

Now this doesn't mean that people don't sometimes mean to slight me or hurt me. Some people do, but the catch is that it doesn't make them a bad person. If I follow the advice of the Bible and pray for those who hurt my feelings (even intentionally) I find that I have alot more peace. It's a selfish thing to love those around you, because it makes you a happier healthier person.

I'm not great at this, but I am progressing and that is what matters. I love this life and the opportunity it gives us to work on ourselves and to become happier!!!!

Always remember that first impressions are almost always wrong unless you are thinking more about the person instead of less:-)